These hard times….
At a time when I reflect on who really is a friend… who really cares… who needs me….and who wouldn’t think twice about taking your side. Where did I go wrong? Did I not see people as they truly are? Did I not understand who was for real? Did I not realize they were in it for their own good alone? There is remorse and regret now. But there is no point in that is there? The damage is all done. I wonder if people really think about the harm they are causing others. I wonder if they realize how much of a scar they leave. I am scarred. I am also scared. Forever in doubt, about myself and people around me. Who can I trust? How can I pour out my pain onto a screen or paper? How can I express how the tears burn as they burst out and trickle down only to be turned cold, with no fingers wiping them away apart from mine…?
How do I save myself before I turn cold? How do I feel again? Everything around me seems cold, impersonal, hurtful. I know I’m shutting myself away from the world. Now the minute I see someone, I feel like I know where they’re going. I feel like I know what they want from me deep down. That’s why it’s so much safer to shut myself in this room with only the walls to talk to. You think when you’re really low that maybe someone will see your pain. In all probability no one will. No one will know the true nature of your pain. These are times when I believe this is something you have to go through alone. You don’t have any other choice, do you? Finding strength in yourself is important. But is tolerance strength? Is hiding, strength? Is silence, strength?
